Atahualpa Strikes Again

Harper's government toppled by a guinea pig?

Never underestimate the power of a dead Inca. Atahualpa's Revenge is Peru's world-reknowned stomach upsetter named after the last Inca king (for want of a better phrase) who was betrayed and killed by Pizarro and the first conquistadores. And it looks like it might have claimed another victim.

Canada's PM Stephen Harper came back from the Peru APEC summit last week "feeling unwell", and the lack of presence due to the iffy food served in Lima may well have been the catalyst to set off the current leadership turmoil and coalition attacks on his government. Here's Canada's National Post with the goods:

While the opposition leaders and the Liberal leadership candidates were plotting, Mr. Harper was in shock. Still sick from a trip to the APEC conference in Peru, the previous weekend, his recovery was hardly aided by the realization that his fate no longer lay in his own hands. The opposition parties had a combined vote of 163 MPs, 20 more than his own party.

At the time of the APEC summit, this humble blog mentioned there were over 100 cases of bad stomachs due to the crap food served to guests and dignitaries (they blamed it on the weather...seriously). Once the conference was done 225 cases in total had been registered, but none as important than Harper's, I'd venture. Coup d'etat in Canada? Blame it on the cuy, ceviche, seco de cordero, bife de alpaca and chuños, people.

Bina; you owe Peru bigtime.

C'mon Aussie C'mon

Kevin Rudd: Decent guy, I say

A well-deserved shout out, applause and w00t coming up for Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd right here and right now.

During the Peru APEC conference last week, Rudd slipped out the side door and went to visit three Sisters Of Mercy nuns that are helping to alleviate poverty in one of the many Lima shanty towns. You can read about his visit right here, or you can watch a one-minute news slot that played on Aussie TV by clicking this link.

While he was there, Rudd pledged $45,000 to buy a new X-ray machine for the local health centre. The Australian journalist who wrote the linked note sums it up very well.

Put $45,000 towards health or education in Australia and it would barely rate a mention. Yet here, a cheer went up when prime minister Kevin Rudd pledged to give the residents of this slum the sum for a simple X-ray machine.

As for Rudd, he had this to say for himself:

“At a time of a global financial crisis, it is easy for people to forget the poor, (But) none of us ever should forget the poor because we are all one human family. And wherever people are poor, those of us who are not poor have a responsibility. And that responsibility we see worked out in the lives of these wonderful Mercy Sisters here in Lima in Peru.”

Otto says: It may be part politics, but all the same good on you Kevin. Great to see a world leader that isn't just paying lip-service to social needs and doesn't simply expect the free market to provide. Warm applause from chez Otto, but red hot applause and deepest thanks to the nuns such as those visited by Rudd last week. It's good to be reminded that real people really care about other real people. Rudd has done us a double favour by bringing attention to the selfless givers of this world.

Finally, a big thank you to reader Alex who posted those links on this previous post. You paid it forward in style, mate.

The Twobreakfasts Modus Operandi

García spots the breakfast waitress in the crowd

Why M.O.? Because it's as close as dammit to criminal. This is how the slob works:

First note this report of Southern Copper (PCU) and its 3q08 conference call on October 28th, when PCU head honchos specifically said that the Tia Maria copper project was on track, would be built, there were no delays, they'd already invested $569m of the approx $1Bn total estimated capex etc etc. A couple of choice quotes from the CC about Tia Maria, as reported by DJNW:

The company said that it will continue with its current investment projects in the Tia Maria and Toquepala mines, despite ongoing market turmoil.

"I don't think that delays are going to happen,"

As of Sept. 30 the company had committed $579.8 million for the Tia Maria project. Company chief executive Oscar Gonzalez Rocha said in the conference call that the total cost of that project in Peru could be about $1.0 billion, and that it is scheduled to be up and running by the end of 2010 or the first quarter of 2011.

I could continue, but you should have the message by now. Cut to last Friday, and in front of 800 of Peru's elite bizpeople at the APEC summit President Twobreakfasts said the following:

"Tía María cannot come to a halt, Mr Oscar González. "If it comes to a halt, we will have to look outside the country to sell it again."

So in Alan's pathetic little world, when PCU comes out with a confirmation that Tia Maria is on track in the next few days he can say "Look, minions...I am all powerful" or somesuch, even though PCU confirmed their plans to the general public just three weeks previously. I mean, what a freakin' asshole! The dude is a deceptive shit, be clear on that one.

His 19% approval rating is not a statistical freak.

APEC moments you may have missed

Some Peruvian bizdude named Ricardo Rizo drew the short straw and was picked to introduce Bush and his speech to the APEC business forum yesterday. Our hero Dubya thought his intro would last a couple of lines and so after a few seconds bounded up on stage. But Rizo was determined to have his moment in the sun and while Bush stood onstage in the corner crossing and uncrossing his arms, shuffling feet and furrowing brow impatiently, Rizo warbled on though his full five minute uber-bootlicking intro. When it was finally over, Dubya took the mike, gave the fool a hard stare and mumbled "Gracias señor."

While the heads of state pow-wowed over the "Lima Declaration" (a twelve point statement that says precisely nothing new) this morning, their husbands and wives were taken on a city tour of Lima. Here are some of the views that the bus sadly missed.

Strange that, innit? I mean, these views are typical in 95% of the city. How could they have missed all that?

The best moment of comic relief was provided by President Twobreakfasts (who else?) on Wednesday. At a luncheon speech to officially welcome the President of China, Alan decided to give his welcome speech in Mandarin Chinese. Although President Hu Jintao kept his face all solemn and dignified, the smirks and giggles coming from the Chinese entourage behind the two Prezzes caught everyone's eye. It turns out that nobody....and I mean nobody...could understand a blind word of what Alan said (make that 'try to say') in Chinese. He was later praised for his "valiant effort".

The food was obviously crap. Over 100 cases of upset stomachs have been registered so far among the 8,000 foreign delegates attending APEC. An official government press release attributes the attack of Atahualpa's Revenge on (and I quote, because this is again from the "can't make this shit up" files): "The weather in Lima is characterized at this time of year by midday heat, but cool breeezes in the mornings and afternoons. Because of this, some of the typical dishes that have fresh vegetables and fish as ingredients, such as cebiche, may cause upset stomachs more easily and provoke discomfort amongst unprepared diners."

To add insult to injury in the stomach issue, reporters were forced to use a line of hastily assembled portaloos lined up at the side of the main conference hall. The smell after 48 hours was "interestingly profound", according to one photographer that e-mailed Otto. Well, that's my general translation of what he wrote in Spanish, anyway.

Los imágenes del día

Welcome Hu Jintao!

By the way Peru's media are acting you would think that Chinese President Hu Jintao had flown in to Peru direct from Beijing...or the moon or something. Not a mention about the fact that he was hanging in Costa Rica and then Cuba (and got to meet a real celebrity on the island, too).

But Hu is in da house, and Twobreakfasts did his best to hide the worst corners of the capital on the drive round (they did a bit of open top waving when they got to the Plaza Mayor....the few proles let through the epic security cordon must have enjoyed that). However Alan let the side down badly in the end, as Otto "wannabe Perez Hilton" Rock explains.

BUY THE FAT DUDE A BELT, SOMEBODY. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT SKIN ANY MORE.

I love hi-res photos.

APEC Peru Summit 2008: What you need to know if visiting Latin America's worst capital city

(click to enlarge...it's a high resolution shot and gets real big)

This is my fave shot of Lima because it's the best representation possible. It really is like this in 95% of the city (you won't be surprised to find out that dignitaries will only get to see 5% of the city). Drab town, drab weather, drab people*.

So anyway, there are 21 countries turning up to this APEC summit thingy, Peru is all very proud, there are 60,000 police and soldiers on the streets of Lima, the capital city has been given three days' official public holiday to make sure there isn't a whole bunch of proles around to ruin the whole thing. Hmmm...what else? Oh yeah, journalists are already bored with the whole thing, the "Aren't I So Radical To Be A Gringo And Live In Lima?" blogs are writing up on their fave restaurants, maybe trying to snag a diplo celeb on camera this weekend or get an autograph or something. These people rarely leave the comfort of Miraflores, San Isidro or Surco...beats me why they think themselves experts on the city. Whatevs.....

Nicest story so far is the guy who was arrested trying to get to the city centre carrying 36 hand grenades (I kid you not, dear reader). Also, this might be the time to remember how Sendero recently got its hands on a whole stack of dynamite when they robbed a mining outpost.

APEC is one of those meetings where much is expected but nothing ever seems to happen. In fact, it's the perfect conference for a place like Lima.

*"drab people" is the only thing that may be harsh, here. Good OttoFriends live in Lima. But the city gets anyone down after a while.

This year's APEC meeting might get pretty explosive

Via Reuters and not one but three people writing in (thanks to you all), here's a very interesting story that hit the wires today. It seems as though the left-wing terrorist group Sendero Luminoso (Shining Path) are making a bit of a comeback unfortunately, as on Monday this week 50 of the band took over a outcamp of Peru mining and smelting company Doe Run in the Andean foothills East of Lima. After giving them a long lecture of the ills of the world and how they're right about everything, Sendero stole a bunch of stuff including antibiotics, a radio and, spookily, a whole shitload of dynamite.

Why is this spooky? Well, as Reuters rightly points out, dynamite was one of the weapon of choice amongst SL members back in the 1980s and 90s. And then there's the little matter of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) summit coming to Peru this year and starting on November 20th. This is a big, big protocol event, and at least 20 heads of state are due to visit Peru including those of Russia, Japan, Australia and all the Americas (including a dude called Bush who'll be making his final trip as prez).

Expect....how can I say this?...tight security. Like "tight" as in "a sparrow farts within 500 paces and it gets arrested".

Keep on rockin' da free world, people.