La plata viene sola

The title of this post roughly means "the money arrives on its own", a now famous quote of García's as he tried to explain how he got wealthy to journalist/novelist Jaime Bayly. Anyway, that's a side point and here's a photograph that comes to you via IDL Reporteros and Mate Pastor, the blog of Peru politico Juan Sheput.

All the details of how Peru's drug squad tracked and nabbed Nader in that above link.

Goodbye Twobreakfasts

The IOP/PUCP Catolica University opinion pollster team (one of the more reliable in Peru) today published its final approval ratings poll for Alan García, with just 19 days left to go in his five year mandate. He scored 31.3% approval and 62.1% disapproval, which if added to previous PUCP scores makes an administration that looks like this:

Well, you can't fault Twobreakfasts for consistency, anyway. You can fault him for being a mediocre arrogant fat bastard, but that's another story. As for other news, incoming Prez Ollanta Humala got a 56% approval rating. That'll drop, take it to the bank. Finally, new-ish Lima mayor Susana Villarán saw her approval plummet to just 21.3%, basically because she's far too honest a person to be involved in Peru politics. The full PDF download is on this link.

Thanks a bunch, Twobreakfasts

Exhibit A: President Alan Twobreakfasts Garcia just a few minutes ago said:

"...[foreign investments in Peru] are the the sign of confidence in our country, a confidence that has not been bent by the electoral process."

Exhibit B: Fortuna Silver Mines (FVI.to) intraday chart:

The good news: Only another three months of this dumbass to go

Wikileaks Peru: Well I don't know about the other character assessments made by other US ambassadors of other world figures....

...but this Ambassador Struble dude has totally nailed Twobreakfasts. Here's the link, here's the text:

ID:	88101
Date:	2006-12-04 22:44:00
Origin:	06LIMA4570
Source:	Embassy Lima
Classification:	SECRET
Dunno:	06STATE189857
Destination:	VZCZCXYZ0004 RR RUEHWEB DE RUEHPE #4570/01 3382244 ZNY SSSSS ZZH R 042244Z DEC 06 FM AMEMBASSY LIMA TO RUEHC/SECSTATE WASHDC 3201 INFO RUEAIIA/CIA WASHDC
S E C R E T LIMA 004570 SIPDIS SIPDIS E.O. 12958: DECL: 12/04/2016 TAGS: PINR, PGOV, PE SUBJECT: PERU: PRESIDENT GARCIA'S EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH REF: STATE 189857 Classified By: Ambassador J Curtis Struble for reason 1.4(C). 1. (S) This message is in response to reftel request for information on the emotional and physical health of President Alan Garcia. Our responses are slugged to the questions in reftel paragraphs. We do not always have first-hand information on the questions asked, a fact reflected in some of our answers below. 2. (S) Garcia's overall health appears to be good. Notwithstanding a strenuous work schedule, he has clearly gained weight over the past several months. This shows (both in press photos and private meetings) in his slightly larger jowls and a growing paunch. Reports of manic depression or bipolar disorder are impossible to confirm, but rumors in this connection are widespread. For example, many of our contacts (with purported first-hand knowledge) say that Garcia has always been moody, disposed to sudden flights of enthusiasm, plunges of bad humor, and abrupt changes of mind. Many of the more damaging rumors appear to have their origins in the latter part of Garcia's first term, when his popularity plummeted and the political and security situations spiraled out of control. According to some reports, in response Garcia at one point fell into a deep funk, locked himself behind closed doors and refused public contact of any kind for days on end. While that report continues to hound him, there are no indications that it responds to a long-standing or deep-set dimension of his psychological or emotional makeup. 3. (S) We do not have the names and/or specialties of his doctors. 4. (S) We have no direct information with respect to medications taken by the president. A number of our contacts have told us (as though it were an established fact) that Garcia takes lithium for anti-depression (anti-bipolar disorder) purposes, but we cannot confirm the veracity of these reports. 5. (S) There is no evidence that Garcia suffers from alcohol or drug abuse. We understand he does drink socially. 6. (S) Persecution, real as well as imagined, has been an integral part of the president's life. Garcia's father, a founding member of APRA, was imprisoned for several years for his political activism. The APRA has been the object of political persecution during Peru's recent era of military dictatorships (1968-80), its activities as anti-regime "democrats" curtailed. Garcia himself chose to leave Peru after his first term ended in 1990, partly out of fears of persecution. After one year of exile in Colombia, he fled to France on hearing reports that he was being pursued by Fujimori henchmen either for assassination or kidnapping back to Peru. More recently, as president, Garcia and his son have been the targets of alleged kidnapping plots. These experiences have broadly shaped his personal and political outlook, and exacerbated an innate tendency to keep information "close-hold," strictly limited to an intimate circle of advisors. 7. (S) A master politician, Garcia has survived and thrived via the indirect threat, ably playing rivals against one another and undermining, with cold calculation, the political bases of potential competitors, including those within his own party. Garcia's APRA party is also well known as the most effective political machine in Peru, complete with goon squads that are dispatched to do various kinds of dirty work on behalf of its leaders. We have no information that he has ever issued explicit violent threats or the like. While there are widespread reports that he is a difficult, demanding boss and a moody person, we have no information that he is abusive toward advisors or family. 8. (S) According to most reports, Garcia has an extremely heavy work load and regularly takes on too many tasks. As a man who lives and breathes politics, at the expense of most other dimensions of his life, he often works late. It could almost be said that work is all he does. Moreover, he is a pure politician in the sense that he has never done anything but the work of candidate or president, and it is all he knows how to do. (He has written books, but most critics understand that is not his gift.) 9. (S) Garcia has the reputation of being an acute micro-manager and very demanding on his staff, even tasking senior ministers in public and on the spot with various responsibilities and duties. In the sense that he often expects Ministers to divine and carry out his will rather than to generate policy ideas or propose alternative solutions, he demands the impossible. As for lofty ideas, he appears to have learned lessons from his first term, lowering expectations and focusing on pragmatic programs rather than on large romantic visions. For example, he has no apparent ambition to change the world, re-order political and economic realities according to a new "vision" for Latin America, or create the new socialist specimen or Bolivarian man. The signal programs of his second term so far -- Sierra Exportadora, Agua Para Todos, the Decentralization Shock -- amount in many ways to recombining and repackaging diverse existing tactical poverty reduction schemes (including USAID's PRA -- Poverty Reduction and Alleviation -- project) than to pursuing an overriding lofty ambition. At the same time, most observers see Garcia's strengths as rhetorical rather than administrative, in inspiring with impassioned and even poetic oratory rather than in overseeing (prosaic) projects slowly through their step by step implementation. 10. (S) Garcia's public and private persona are, in many ways, at odds. In public, he tends to strike the majesterial presidential pose, chest thrust forward, head held high, arms and hands gesturing in the formal, almost choreographed manner of the leader. He is also prone to giving long public lectures, reflecting a know-it-all and superior tone. All this comes across as pompous and inflated. By contrast, in private Garcia is a more informal, disarming and even considerate figure. He is courteous and deferential with visitors, and an excellent listener, often probing interlocutors for more detailed information. One aspect on which there is near universal agreement is that Garcia has a colossal ego, which can blind him to the merits of good ideas and alternatives that he himself has not generated. To some observers, while he is unlikely to repeat the mistakes that brought Peru close to ruin during his first administration, the ego is Garcia's Achilles' heel and could have counterproductive consequences to the current government, especially if unchecked. 11. (S) Garcia's attention span appears to be good, and his listening skills are excellent. We have no information that he has difficulty in concentrating, gets confused or is forgetful. As noted above, there are widespread reports of a certain emotional volatility, but it is not clear that this impairs his ability to think or to express himself clearly. 12. (S) We have no information about any periods of intense energy or activity, racing thoughts or incoherence. We have not noted any tendency to shake, blink or roll his eyes. 13. (S) While there are widespread reports that Garcia fell into a deep depression near the end of his first term (as noted above), we have no information that that corresponds to a deep-set emotional characteristic or that it has recurred regularly since that time. We have no information about talk of suicide. 14. (S) We have no information regarding any decreased need for sleep or food. A truly gifted orator, he never sounds as though his speech were hurried or pressured, nor does it follow a notably illogical flow. 15. (S) We have no information about his exercise routine or diet regimen, nor any dietary restrictions due to ongoing medications. 16. (S) We have no information regarding any compulsive overeating, shopping, gambling or the like. That said, as noted above, Garcia has manifestly gained weight since being in office and is likely a consequence of his eating amply and well. There are widespread rumors of Garcia's numerous extra-marital sexual liaisons. Recently, Garcia publicly acknowledged one of them, with Ms. Elizabeth Roxanne Cheesman, with whom he had a young child. While he publicly claimed that this relationship occurred during the brief time he was estranged from his wife Pilar Nores, some observers have suggested that it was much more enduring than he had publicly let on. 17. (S) In the interim between the end of his first presidential term in 1990 and the current term, which began in July of 2006, Garcia has spent time both abroad and in Peru. After leaving office the first time, in 1992 Garcia fled to a kind of quasi political exile in Bogota, Colombia, where he remained for one year. (Garcia harbors a deep sympathy for Colombia dating back to that time.) From there, he fled to France, where he lived for the following eight  years. (From this period, Garcia speaks excellent French and has a strong personal sympathy for French society and life.)  He returned to Peru in 2001, following Alberto Fujimori's  resignation from the presidency. He was formally separated  from his wife in 2004-5. STRUBLE

Peru fashion

This Christmas's must-have T-shirt.

Jaime Bayly and Twobreakfasts

Noted South American novelist, talk show host and (for a while this year) candidate for President of Peru Jaime Bayly is intelligent, engaging and writes up a storm. He's also a total son of a bitch. This is a good combination for a snark-merchant site like IKN and here he is spilling the beans today on a private dinner he had this year with President Twobreakfasts. The basic takeaway is that Bayly may well be a SOB, but García beats him hands down in the corruption and anti-democracy stakes. Translated excerpt from Bayly's column linked here or here:

"Finally, I invited President Alan García to dinner at my house, the genetic accident who governs Peru. When García sank his oceanic girth into the sofa, I had an ominous thought and feared that the piece of furniture would break into pieces. Alan encouraged me to be a candidate (in the Presidential elections). I told him I didn't have enough money and my mother wouldn't back me. I asked him how much the President of Peru earned. He didn't seem to know nor care. "Something like U$3000 a month", he said. I told him that with that salary I couldn't maintain my family for five years and added that I'm not a thief and didn't have the urge to learn the trade. Alan let out a laugh and came out with the phrase of the evening, "Don't be an idiot man, money arrives all by itself."

"Later, García said something that to me seemed awful, that if Mr. Humala won the election he would lead a Coup D'Etat and stop, by breaking the law, that Ollanta Humala became President. "Even if they throw me in jail, Humala will not be President", boasted García.


"That night left me thinking that in fact this is how politics is in Peru: The absolute lack of scruples, passing the hat around and hoping that money arrives by itself, a subtle and false way of saying that money arrives from under the table, in suitcases, bribes and secret bank accounts."

The Alan 'Twobreakfasts' García Halloween Facemask, a free IKN offer

Be the scariest spook on your street this year with your very own Alan García facemask, courtesy of IKN. Instructions are easy:

1) Click on the mask to make bigger.

2) Print off a copy.

3) Paste onto a piece of card, or even that Spiderman mask that you bought last year but didn't use because you finally realized it was lame before it was too late.

4) Wear, enjoy, get double rations of sweeties on the night.

Another free service, humbly offered to you by IKN.

Tomorrow (Tuesday 19th October) in Ilo, Peru

From this newswire report

The Presidents of Bolivia of Bolivia and Peru will leave behind them years of political fights and "relaunch" the relationship between the two member states of the Andean Community when they meet on Tuesday in the Peruvian port of Ilo, according to the Bolivian head of State.

Evo Morales said on Monday in a press conference that his meeting with his Peruvian counterpart Alan García was made possible by the recent decision in Lima to send back two right wing ex-functionaries of Bolivia who had escaped to Peru in order to evade justice on charges of corruption.

It will be, "A Presidential encounter in the city of Ilo that has the objective to relaunch, impluse give new vigour, a renovation to bilateral relations with Peru", announced the indigenous governor. Continues here

More on Alan García's popularity amongst his citizens

Total must-read post on Bagua, the indigenous people of the Amazon basin of Peru and the words of one woman as she buried her husband.

"Please listen to us Mr. Alan Garcia. You are guilty because you exterminated us. You are killing us. You are selling us. You are the terrorist. We are defending our territory without the use of guns, our only weapons are spears and small sticks that aren’t meant to kill like you have done to us. You exterminated us using guns, bullets, helicopters, and you killed our brothers, sisters, students, teachers, children. Alan, we ask you to come here to our territory and pay us the debt that you owe us. Alan, you sold the country, you sold the indigenous, you sold our natural resources: gold, petroleum, water, and air. You contaminate our natural environment and you leave us poorer. Now you see how we live and how you’ve left us. We, the Awajún-Wampis have not asked you to exterminate us, but rather that you help us. That you help educate our children that you have now killed. We are not taking away your private property. We have not killed your children, your family. Why are you now finishing us off? You have exterminated us! We are left with nothing!"

Read on via this link, there's a lot to digest including an impressive video of the scene above. Worth noting here that the English language post by El Oso would never have existed if it weren't for the good work done by IKN friend Jacqueline Fowks at her blog, noticias desde lenovo.

Slap! Twobreakfasts shows why he's so darned popular in Peru

The following is directly translated from this report out of Spain's Terra newswire, Peru bureau:

The President of the Republic of Peru, Alan García, assaulted a young man at the Edgardo Rebagliati EsSalud hospital, after he called García "corrupt", according to a report published today in the newspaper 'Diario 16'.

According to the newspaper, García was in the middle of a crowd of people on the first floor of the C wing of said hospital when suddenly the young man aged 25 shouted at him "Corrupt!". At that moment the Head of State asked "Who said that?" and the young man responded "I did!" while signalling his own chest. The Head of State went up to him and immediately slapped him in the face with his left hand.

Instead of backing off, the young man, followed García asking him about 'freedoms of expression' or 'his right to a free press'.

President Garcia left the building surrounded by jeering whistles and insults from the people who witnessed the scandal. It is understood that three members of the President's personal security corps intercepted the young man, handcuffed him and beat him. Although his whereabouts are currently uncertain it seems that he was at the time interned at the hospital.

Pretty disgusting, but nothing that surprises those who actually follow what this lump of lard says and does on a daily basis. So now to the silver lining, a chance to view this again. Click and enjoy.

Approval ratings of four local Presidents (for the attention of Foreign Perfidy)

This chart as a complement to Greg Weeks' post this morning, as he decided to debunk some of the guff and nonsense written by Foreign Policy on Ecuador.

Twobreakfasts sez Mecha isn't going

So after Reuters told the world that Mercedes Araoz was leaving as FinMin Thursday (with Reuters being tipped by at least three high-ranking gov't souces, appraently), President Twobreakfasts comes out and says that's not true...but then again if you look at exactly what he said, there was room left for manoeuver.

All very strange, so the best solution until the true truth emerges is.......MORE MUSIC!

The liar Twobreakfasts and his faked fight against poverty in Peru

The "Concerted Committe for the Fight Against Poverty" (Mesa de Concertación para la Lucha contra la Pobreza, or MCLCP) is a Peru officially sponsored government board that was created in 2001 to help the poorest in the country. It has just had its budget cut by 56% by Twobreakfasts and company.

Its 26 regional committees, 146 provincial committees and 400 local district committees in rural areas, along with seven committees in urban areas, no longer have enough money to do their work and provide the poorest of the poor with much needed help.


Viva investment grade. Viva Otto finding the lard-ass in the street one day and "having a discussion" with the guy.

Klishtina does Lima

Next Monday (22nd) and Tuesday (23rd), President Klishtina Duarte of Argentina is hanging in Peru, meeting Twobreakfasts, his heir apparent (or so Alan desires) Castañeda, attending big banquets, homages to San Martín, the whole nine yards.

Oh...and then there's the trifling matter of the 100 Argentine bizpeeps travelling with her on Tango Zero Uno. The real reason for the trip is to drum up a bit of trade between the two nations, but hey....enjoy the photo-ops.

Peru's distorted economy

Farid Matuk has been in fine fettle these last few days, whacking into the hypocritical Twobreakfasts government by using the facts on offer, not the simple bluff and bluster served up by this most pathetic and unpopular of governments.

First up, via this Matuk post we see how Peru's economy is in fact two different economies; there's the one that the dumbasses at Moody's and S&P fawn about which is based on the 1/3rd of the population living in its capital, Lima. This chart taken from this report in La Republica (and re-labelled in English for your viewing pleasure) shows clearly the continued concentration of wealth in the capital, this despite all the silly lies proferred by Twobreakfasts about spreading the love around thew whole country:

(click to enlarge)

For the record, that's 53.3% of all employment in the country centred in one spot.

Next up from Matuk was this, separate but relate, subject. It seems that Peru's official lapdog INEI stats office, second in the continent only to Argentina's as manipulative bullshitters, want to measure the country's economy, GDP growth etc by ignoring those parts of the economy that haven't been performing so well! Yes indeed, all you need to do to get a positive GDP figure these days is to ignore the whole of the agricultural sector in your official census figures and make shit up later.

But Peru can get away with all this, y'see. Peru got da AmerikaFriend lurve. Peru not got da Hugo bad mojo. Peru got da media coverage that will never, ever question the substance and always go for the style.

Viva investment grade. Viva, viva, viva.

Corrupt Peru government update

After the revelations of Peru's ex Housing Minister and Twobreakfasts sycophant Francis Allison yesterday, we now hear from his lawyer that his arrest for false testimony and contraband of U$50,000 (in cahoots with his wife) was "an innocent confusion". So let's think about this. If you too had 50 grand hanging in a bank account in the USA and wanted to get it over to your home country, what are the options?

• Credit card transfer. Yes, but that means you have to pay tax and also declare the origins of the money.

• Wire transfer. Yes, but that means you have to pay tax and also declare the origins of the money.

• Interbank transfer. Yes, but that means you have to pay tax and also declare the origins of the money.

Get the picture yet? I could go on, but let's just skip to..

• Stuff banknotes in your pockets and get on a plane. Illegal, but why do they make these silly rules anyway?

So this Francis Allison, ex-Minister, wife's family in Miami, widely travelled, knows the rules backwards, recently forced to resign due to shady dealings with illegal and very lucrative wiretapping business...... but decides to smuggle the money out of the USA instead of declaring it. If this is an innocent confusion Pol Pot was a peace prize winner. I'll be very interested in finding out just how many points this Allison dude has on his frequent flyer card, too, cos U$50,000 is a chunk, but I'll betcha dollars to donuts that it's the tip of a very smelly iceberg.

So whatever makes you think the Twobreakfasts government is corrupt, Otto?

Francis James Allison (for it is he)

Oooooooooh...just an inkling of mine.

On November 5th (but the news just came out today), a dude named Francis James Allison Oyague was arrested in Miami airport. Now this guy just happened to be Minister of Housing in the Twobreakfasts government until very recently, when he was forced to resign because it turns out he had close links and dealings with a company called Business Track (BTR). By way of quick background, if you remember back to this IKN post in January it turned out that BTR were illegally phone-tapping all and sundry in Peruvian political and biz circles.

So, this Peruvian cabinet minister Allison had been collecting cash from a bunch of industrial spies before becoming minister. He "forgot" to mention the connection at the time, was found out and then resigned.

So that brings us up to this month when the Allison dude was arrested along with his wife by US ICE customs officials for contraband and false testimony as they tried to smuggle over U$50,000 in cash out of the USA stuffed in their pockets. Here's a PDF link to the criminal complaint and it says that:

• The limit of cash they could take out on their person was U$10,000 each

• Allison and his wife knew this and also signed a statement on it

• Officers made a routine inspection and found U$30,250 on the couple.

• Therefore the officers made a more thorough search and found another U$20,000 on Allison's person concealed in his inner jacket pockets.

• The couple were then arrested (they were about to get on a plane to Peru (!) via Panama (!) but never made that final call) and have now been released on U$100,000 bail, which has been stumped up by a 'family member living in Miami (oh, ain't that just da lucky?)

Slush funds for governments anyone? This one could run and run.

UPDATE: Now the top story in El Comercio (and all other media) in Peru

Important Twobreakfasts News

All the pies! Gone!

Thank you to reader Paul E in the comments section here for the headsup on some pop kulture. Conan O'Brien dude is jumping on the Twobreakfasts bandwagon. Apparently he's been laying into Kirstie Alley for being a porker and Kirstie kicked back. So according to this:

O'Brien acknowledged that he regularly mocks the actress for her weight issues and showed clips of several jokes to prove it. He got one final insult in ("My penis is not on the Weight Watchers diet--I looked it up. She can have a shake, one slice of wheat bread and then a sensible penis.") before promising to lay off her. Instead he says he'll use Alan Garcia Perez, the heavyset president of Peru, as a punchline for any fat jokes.

Message to ConanDude: Permission granted to use the nick 'Twobreakfasts' without any reference necessary. Knock yerself out, skinnyguy.

Pisco sours and pies served. The end.

Peru: Viva investment grade (part 14,279)

This chart (English trans Otto)........

....... comes from this report on Caretas today that shows up close and personal, once again, that Twobreakfast's obsession with GDP and his KY Jelly attitude to foreign direct investment have not helped Peruvians in the slightest. Note that between 2006 and 2008 and according to the official figures (i.e. this is not a case of making shit up):

• an extra three percent of Peruvians don't reach the minimum daily calorie intake. Put in simple terms, that's ANOTHER 700,000 people who don't get enough to eat. Note to those who have been to Peru for their three week aventure vacation and now consider themselves experts on the country; you are unlikely to have met these people on the Inca Trail or in that cozy four star hotel where you stayed.

• by World Health Organization standards (not the BS stats of the Twobreakfasts gov't), chronic malnutrition still affects 27% of the population of Peru

• illiteracy levels are still at 10% of the adult population

• more people have no access to running water in their homes than in 2006

• home phones are a luxury

And the biggest takeaway from all this is that this was the supposed "boom period" in Peru, with GDP growth rates over 9%! What are these figures going to look like after our present crisis year is over? Are you beginning to understand why Twobreakfasts is such an unpopular president in Peru yet, or do you need "I am a moron" tattooed on your forehead?

Viva Investment Grade. Viva, viva, viva.

PS: for those that don't suffer under a Castilian challenge, here's the original table

Carlin nails Twobreakfasts

'Carlin' is about the best political cartoonist in Peru and has his corner of the world at national daily, 'La Republica'. Here's today's offering, translated into English and then in its original Spanish. Enjoy.