Monday, May 4, 2009

Mining PRs and the Ottotrans™: Part 7


About time we ran another of these "explain what it really says" things, I think. Today's victi..SORRY!...example is from Plexmar Resources (PLE.v), a company whose board of directors makes a good living from issuing themselves cheap options, pumping the stock and selling the new paper to saps that then get all upset with blogs like this one for telling them the truth. So without further ado....

This it what it says:

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QUEBEC CITY, QUEBEC--(Marketwire - May 4, 2009) - Plexmar Resources Inc. (TSX VENTURE:PLE - News) is pleased to report on Ucucha's progress in the Bolsa del Diablo project area. Plexmar has been notified by Ucucha that exploration can resume in May. Plexmar has its technical team ready for an imminent return on the project. Ucucha will notify Plexmar as soon as the communities' permission to bring equipment such as the geophysical contractor's equipment and small diamond drilling rigs is obtained. However, geologists will be back in the field this month. They will pursue the on-going sampling program and get ready for the continuation of the ground geophysical program.

Ucucha reported to Plexmar that, since January, a lot of progress was made towards the commercialization of ore and obtaining the acceptation to start the drilling program. Ucucha has purchased a 300 hectare piece of land, north of Piura, to accommodate its future processing plant. The land was chosen for its proximity to the gold producing areas and accommodations while located in a desert environment away from agricultural areas. In order to process the ore until the local plant is ready, an increase in milling capacity was required at Ucucha's plant located near Nazca, in southern Peru. Capacity was increased from 150 tpd to approximately 400 tpd, two 20 ft. diameter leaching tanks were built and a ball mill circuit was installed.

Following plant modifications, Ucucha reported the purchases of gold bearing material from Plexmar's and adjoining concessions at a steadier rate. In the past two weeks, over 125 tons of waste material was bought from miners stockpiles grading 0,8 ounces per ton. Over 75 tons of hard rock material was also bought with an average of 4,5 ounces of gold per ton. In the coming weeks, gold bearing material purchases will ramp up to an average of 70 tons per day.

On the contractual side, Ucucha remains within the 90 day period imposed by the contracts, (See Jan.17, 2009 release). The days are working days and the 90th working day falls May 19th 2009. Also, under the Peruvian mining law, mining contracts, such as the ones between Ucucha and Plexmar's subsidiary, need to be registered in the national public registry and with the Ministry of Mines before having full legal force. Due to extended delays in the legal system, those contracts have been fully registered and in full legal force only since this week. Notwithstanding this fact, Ucucha has made significant progress towards fulfilling their obligations.

Pictures of Ucucha's plant modifications have been posted on www.plexmar.com

In Ecuador, Plexmar is in steady contact with representatives from the Ecuador Ministry of Mines. Following the passing of the new Law's regulations in the coming months, management expects to have better clarity on the status and future of its concessions. The Company's activities have been limited to administrative and legal matters due to the Mining Mandate issued by the Ecuador Constituent Assembly on April 18, 2008, which, among other provisions, provided for the suspension of exploration activities in Ecuador for a period of 180 days. Ecuador recently passed a new Mines Law, which replaces the Mining Mandate, and is working on developing regulations and finalizing terms and conditions of future mining operations. The Company looks forward to working with government officials to this end.

This press release includes certain statements that may be deemed "forward-looking statements". All statements in this release, other than statements of historical facts, that address future exploration drilling, exploration activities and events or developments that the Company expects, are forward looking statements. Although the Company believes the expectations expressed in such forward-looking statements are based on reasonable assumptions, such statements are not guarantees of future performance and actual results or developments may differ materially from those in forward-looking statements. Factors that could cause actual results to differ materially from those in forward-looking statements include market prices, exploitation and exploration successes, continued availability of capital and financing, and general economic, market or business conditions.

160 M shares outstanding.

The TSX Venture Exchange does not accept responsibility for the adequacy or accuracy of this release.

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And this is what it means:

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QUEBEC CITY, QUEBEC--(Marketwire - May 4, 2009) - Plexmar Resources Inc. (TSX VENTURE:PLE - News) is pleased to manipulate Ucucha's total lack of progress in the Bolsa del Diablo project area and make things sound wonderful. Plexmar has been notified by Ucucha that exploration can resume in May but notice the word "can" instead of the word "will". Plexmar has its two employees ready for an imminent return on the project because they have nothing to do anyway except hang round downtown Quebec. Ucucha will notify Plexmar as soon as the communities' permission to bring equipment such as the geophysical contractor's equipment and small diamond drilling rigs is obtained, which could take all year. However, geologists will be back in the Quebec coffee houses this month. They will issue themselves more stock options after selling the ones they own in the next 48 hours.

Ucucha reported to Plexmar that, since January, a tiny bit of progress was made towards the commercialization of ore and obtaining the acceptation to start the drilling program. Ucucha has purchased a 300 hectare piece of land, north of Piura, because nobody else wanted it and it cost the price of a Frapucchino per football field. The land was chosen for its proximity to the gold producing areas and accommodations while located in a desert environment away from anything resembling civilization.

In order to process the ore until the local plant is ready, which will be never, an increase in milling capacity was required at Ucucha's plant located near Nazca, in southern Peru. Capacity was increased from 150 tpd to approximately 400 tpd, two 20 ft. diameter leaching tanks were built and a ball mill circuit was installed. What we forget to mention is the 1,000 mile travel distance between Piura to Nazca which will make the whole enterprise stupidly expensive.

Following plant modifications, Ucucha reported the purchases of gold bearing material from Plexmar's and adjoining concessions at a steadier rate. In the past two weeks, Ucucha has been buying up all the artisanal production in the area, but this has nothing to do with us so don't expect any earnings.

On the contractual side, we are liars. We told the world in November that Ucucha has 60 days to get the ball rolling. Then we finally signed with the Peru dudes in January and said "60 days" on Jan 16th. Now we're slipping in the minor detail that we're talking "90 working days", so in our pretzel math world even though 175 days have passed since we started pumping this crappy deal, 10th November to 4th May = less than 90 days. Also, we conveniently forgot to mention at the time that under the Peruvian mining law, mining contracts, such as the ones between Ucucha and Plexmar's subsidiary, need to be registered in the national public registry and with the Ministry of Mines before having full legal force. Due to the company not having a clue about how to operate in Peru, those contracts have been fully registered and in full legal force only since this week and so the next time we release a bullshit pump PR we'll say the 90 days started from the end of April. Because of this fact, Ucucha has done bog all.

Now some BS delaying tactics about Ecuador and the pathetic excuses as to why we've done nothing there, either.

160 M shares outstanding that we'd love to sell to you, sucker.

The TSX Venture Exchange is in no way stupid enough to accept responsibility for the adequacy or accuracy of this release.