Good news: The horse is feeling fine

This evening Ex-President of Colombia Alvaro Uribe fell off a horse, got kicked by the animal in the knee and was immediately taken to hospital for surgery on said joint. 

Here's the flash out of Colombia's RCN which shows Uribe showing off by riding and holding a cup of coffee. The clip was taken just before the unscheduled dismount and leg-crappery, so no moneyshot. Unconfirmed reports of the horse's stable being wiretapped by the DAS were immediately denied by government security forces. We'd also like to make clear that any relation between this accident and the traditional mafia culture punishment of kneecapping is purely coincidental.

Adding my signature to this

Sep 29 2010

WASHINGTON DC: Students are delivering an open letter to Georgetown University President John J. DeGioia today, signed by over 150 scholars, urging the university to reconsider its appointment of former president of Colombia Álvaro Uribe as a visiting scholar. Signed by a number of Georgetown professors, leading scholars on Colombia, and many others, the letter objects to Uribe’s ties to paramilitary groups, the “false positives” scandal (in which members of the Colombian military killed civilians and dressed the bodies in the uniforms of guerrillas), corruption and human rights violations in his administration, manipulation of the judiciary, and a notorious wiretapping scandal, as among their concerns over Uribe’s appointment.

“Given the human rights scandals associated with Álvaro Uribe's administration, and the ties between his administration and illegal paramilitary groups, it is disturbing that Georgetown University has chosen to host him this year,” said Lesley Gill, Professor and Chair of Anthropology at Vanderbilt University.

Signers of the letter include Joanne Rappaport, a Colombia expert and Professor of Anthropology and Spanish and Portuguese at Georgetown University; Greg Grandin, Professor of History at New York University and author of the Pulitzer Prize Finalist book Fordlandia; Yale University professor Gilbert M. Joseph; and Father Ray Kemp, Senior Fellow at the Woodstock Theological Center at Georgetown, among many others.

The full text of the letter follows:

John J. DeGioia
President
Georgetown University

September 27, 2010

Dear Sir,

Concerning former Colombian President Álvaro Uribe’s appointment at Georgetown’s Walsh School of Foreign Service as “Distinguished Scholar in the Practice of Global Leadership,” we would like to signal our agreement with the basic thrust of the open letter Father Javier Giraldo Moreno, S.J., wrote to peace activist Father John Dear, S.J., on September 6, 2010, and add our support for Father Dear’s efforts to have Mr. Uribe removed from his post.

We reproduce the text of the letter from Father Giraldo to Father Dear:

Dear John,

I send you fraternal, loving greetings.

I write to you with great concern regarding the fact that our Jesuit university, Georgetown, has hired former president of Colombia Álvaro Uribe Vélez, as a professor. I am constantly receiving messages from individuals and groups who have suffered enormously during his term as president. They are protesting and questioning the mindset of our Company, or its lack of ethical judgment in making a decision of this kind.

It is possible that decision makers at Georgetown have received positive appraisals from Colombians in high political or economic positions, but it is difficult to ignore the intense moral disagreements aroused by his government and the investigations and sanctions imposed by international organizations that try to protect human dignity. The mere fact that, during Uribe’s political career, while he was governor of Antioquia Department (1995-1997), he founded and protected so many paramilitary groups, known euphemistically as “Convivir” (“To Live Together”), who murdered and “disappeared” thousands of people and displaced multitudes, committing many other atrocities, would imply a need for moral censure before entrusting him with any future responsibility.

But not only did he continue to sponsor those paramilitary groups, but he defended them and he perfected them into a new pattern of legalized paramilitarism, including networks of informants, networks of collaborators, and the new class of private security companies that involve millions of civilians in military activities related to the internal armed conflict, while at the same time lying to the international community with a phony demobilization of the paramilitaries.

In addition, the scandalous practice of “false positives” took place during Uribe’s administration. The practice consists in murdering civilians, usually peasants, and after killing them, dressing them as combatants in order to justify their deaths. That is the way he tried to demonstrate bogus military victories over the rebels and eliminate the activists in social movements that work for justice.

The corruption during his administration was more than scandalous, not just because of the presence of drug traffickers in public positions, but also because the Congress and many government offices were occupied by criminals. Today more than a hundred members of Congress are involved in criminal proceedings, all of them President Uribe’s closest supporters.

The purchase of consciences in order to manipulate the judicial apparatus was disgraceful. It ended up destroying, at the deepest level, the moral fabric of the country. Another disgrace was the corrupt manner in which the ministers closest to him manipulated agricultural policy in order to favor the very rich with public money, meanwhile impeding and stigmatizing social projects. The corruption of his sons, who enriched themselves by using the advantages of power, scandalized the whole country.

In addition, Uribe used the security agency directly under his control (the Department of Administrative Security) to spy on the courts, opposition politicians, and social and human rights movements, by means of clandestine telephone tapping. The corrupt machinations he used to obtain his re-election as President in 2006 were sordid in the extreme, with the result that ministers and close collaborators have almost been jailed.

He manipulated the coordination between the Army and the paramilitary groups that resulted in 14,000 extrajudicial executions during his term of office. His strategies of impunity for those who, through the government or the “para-government,” committed crimes against humanity will go down in history for their brazenness.

The decision by the Jesuits at Georgetown to offer a professorship to Álvaro Uribe, is not only deeply offensive to those Colombians who still maintain moral principles, but also places at high risk the ethical development of the young people who attend our university in Washington. Where are the ethics of the Company of Jesus?

I am writing these lines to you because I am sure that you will share our concerns and perhaps you can forward them to the Jesuits at Georgetown and to other circles of thoughtful persons you know and to those who are in sympathy with justice.

With a fond embrace,

Javier Giraldo Moreno, S.J.

We hope you will reconsider your decision to appoint Álvaro Uribe at Georgetown in light of the concerns noted above. His presence there is an affront to scholars and their educational mission.

Sincerely,

Osama Abi-Mershed, Assistant Professor of History, Georgetown University

Rodolfo Acuña, Professor of Chicano/a Studies, California State University, Northridge

Sonia E. Alvarez, Leonard J. Horwitz Professor of Latin American Politics and Society, University of Massachusetts, Amherst

Mark Anderson, Associate Professor of Anthropology, University of California, Santa Cruz

Tim Anderson, Senior Lecturer in Political Economy, University of Sydney

Juan Manuel Arbona, Associate Professor and Chair, Growth and Structure of Cities Department, Bryn Mawr College

Benjamin Arditi, Professor, Centro de Estudios Politicos, Facultad de Ciencias Politicas y Sociales, UNAM, Mexico

Arturo Arias, Professor of Spanish and Portuguese, University of Texas, Austin

Robert Austin, Ph.D, Fellow, School of Historical Studies, University of Melbourne
Beth Baker-Cristales, Associate Professor of Anthropology, Acting Director, Latin American Studies Program, California State University, Los Angeles

Teo Ballvé, Former Editor, NACLA Report on the Americas, Ph.D. Candidate in Geography, University of California, Berkeley

David Barkin, Profesor de Economía, Universidad Autonoma Metropolitana-Xochimilco

Anthony Bebbington, Professor and ESRC Professorial Research Fellow, University of Manchester, UK

Marc Becker, Professor of Latin American History, Truman State University

Ericka Beckman, Assistant Professor of Spanish, Italian and Portuguese and Program in Comparative and World Literatures, University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign

Susan Besse, Associate Professor of History, City College and The Graduate Center, Director, City College Fellowships Program, City University of New York

John Beverley, Distinguished Professor of Hispanic Languages and Literatures, University of Pittsburgh

Larry Birns, Director, Council on Hemispheric Affairs

John D. Blanco, Professor of Literature, University of California, San Diego

Anthony Bogues, Professor of Africana Studies and Political Science, Brown University

Paola Bohorquez, Ph.D., York University, Toronto

Paul A. Bové, Distinguished Professor of English, University of Pittsburgh

Donald W. Bray, Professor of Political Science Emeritus, California State University, Los Angeles

Marjorie W. Bray, Director of Latin American Studies, retired, California State University, Los Angeles

Renate Bridenthal, Professor Emerita of History, Brooklyn College

Bob Buzzanco, Professor of History, University of Houston

Marisol de la Cadena, Associate Profesor of Anthropology, University of California, Davis

Laura Carlsen, Director, Americas Program/Programa de las Americas

Marc Chernick, Visiting Associate Professor of Government, Georgetown University

Ron Chilcote, Professor of Economics, University of California, Riverside

Amy Chazkel, Assistant Professor of History, Queens College, City University of New York (CUNY)

Noam Chomsky, Institute Professor and Professor of Linguistics, Massachusetts Institute of Technology

George Ciccariello-Maher, Assistant Professor of Political Science, Drexel University

Christopher Clement, Visiting Professor of Politics, Pomona College

James D. Cockcroft, Ph.D., SUNY online professor

Peter Cole, Assoc. Professor of History, Western Illinois University and Ph.D., Georgetown, 1997

Jaime Concha, Professor of Literature, University of California, San Diego

Christopher Connery, Professor of Literature, University of California, Santa Cruz

Antonia Darder, Distinguished Professor of Education, University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign

Pablo Delano, Professor of Fine Arts, Trinity College

Guillermo Delgado-P., Ph.D., Anthropology Department, Field Studies Director,
University of California, Santa Cruz

Robin Maria DeLugan, Assistant Professor of Anthropology, University of California, Merced

Mônica Dias Martins, Professor of Political Science, Universidade Estadual do Ceará, Brazil

Arif Dirlik, Liang Qichao Memorial Visiting Professor, Tsinghua University, Beijing, Knight Professor of Social Science, University of Oregon

Francisco Dominguez, Ph.D., Program Leader for Spanish and Latin American Studies, Head of Centre For Brazilian and Latin American Studies, Department of English, Languages and Philosophy, Middlesex University, UK

Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz, Professor Emerita of Ethnic Studies, California State University

Luis Duno, Associate Professor of Caribbean Studies and Film, Rice University

Marc Edelman, Professor and Chair of Anthropology, Hunter College, CUNY

Steve Ellner, Profesor of Political Science, Universidad de Oriente, Venezuela

Arturo Escobar, Kenan Distinguished Professor of Anthropology, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill

Daniel Faber, Professor of Sociology, Northeastern University

Sujatha Fernandes, Assistant Professor of Sociology, Queens College, CUNY

Raul Fernandez, Professor, School of Social Sciences, University of California, Irvine

Bill Fletcher, Jr., BlackCommentator.com editorial board member

Alcira Forero-Peña, Adjunct Assistant Professor, Lehman College, CUNY

Dana Frank, Professor of History, University of California, Santa Cruz

Gavin Fridell, Associate Professor and Chair, Department of Politics,
Trent University, Ontario, Canada

Lesley Gill, Professor and Chair of Anthropology, Vanderbilt University

Stephen R. Gliessman, Ruth and Alfred Heller Professor Emeritus of Agroecology, University of California, Santa Cruz

Gabriel Ignacio Gómez, Professor, Universidad de Antioquia Law School (Colombia)

Greg Grandin, Professor of History, New York University

Gilbert González, Professor Emeritus of Chicano and Latino Studies, University of
California, Irvine

Todd Gordon, Assistant Professor, Department of Political Science, York University,
Toronto

Bruce Grant, Associate Professor of Anthropology, New York University

Jean Max Guieu, Professor of French, Georgetown University

Bret Gustafson, Associate Professor of Anthropology, Washington University

Edgar Ivan Gutierrez, Associate Professor of History and Ethnic Studies, Riverside City
College

Peter Hallward, Professor of Modern European Philosophy, Kingston University, London

John L. Hammond, Professor of Sociology, CUNY

Jim Handy, Professor of History, University of Saskatchewan, Canada

Mark Healy, Assistant Professor of History, University of California, Berkeley

Judith Adler Hellman, Professor of Political and Social Science, York University

Doug Hertzler, Associate Professor of Anthropology, Eastern Mennonite University

René Harder Horst, Associate Professor of History, Appalachian State University

Peter James Hudson, Assistant Professor of History, Vanderbilt University

Jean Jackson, Professor of Anthropology, Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Maurice Jackson, Associate Professor of History and African American Studies,
Georgetown University

Dale Johnson, Professor of Sociology (Retired), Rutgers University

Gilbert M. Joseph, Farnam Professor of History and International Studies, Yale University

Alejandro Kaufman, Profesor Ciencias Sociales, Universidad de Buenos Aires/Universidad Nacional de Quilmas

Susana Kaiser, Associate Professor of Media Studies, Chair, Latin American Studies, University of San Francisco

Father Ray Kemp, Senior Fellow, Woodstock Theological Center, Georgetown University

Robert M. Irwin, Professor of Spanish and Portuguese, University of California, Davis

Maria Lagos, Assistant Professor Emerita of Anthropology, CUNY

Mark Lance, Professor of Philosophy, Georgetown University

Sidney Lemelle, Professor of History, Pomona College

Marcia Landy, Distinguished Professor of English and Film Studies, University of Pittsburgh

Catherine LeGrand, Associate Professor of History, McGill University, Montreal

Deborah Levenson, Associate Professor of History, Boston College

Kathryne V. Lindberg, Professor of English and Africana Studies, Wayne State University

Peter Linebaugh, Professor of History, University of Toledo

Dr. Gilberto López y Rivas, Profesor Investigador, Instituto Nacional de Antropología e Historia, Centro Regional Morelos, Mexico

Flora Lu, Assistant Professor, Latin American and Latino Studies, University of California, Santa Cruz

Sheryl Lutjens, Women’s Studies Department, California State University, San Marcos

Catherine Lutz, Thomas J. Watson, Jr. Family Professor of Anthropology and International Studies, Chair of Anthropology, Brown University

Florencia E. Mallon, Julieta Kirkwood Professor and Chair of History, University of Wisconsin, Madison

Patricia Martin, Professor in Human Geography, Université de Montréal

Luis Martín-Cabrera. Assistant Professor, Literature, University of California, San Diego

Peter McLaren, Ph.D., F.R.S.A, Graduate School of Education and Information Studies, University of California, Los Angeles

Andrés Medina Hernández, Ph.D., Instituto de Investigaciones Antropológicas, Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México

Breny Mendoza, Professor, California State University, Northridge

Jim Merod, Professor American Literature, Soka University of America/Aliso Viejo, California

Minoo Moallem, Professor of Gender and Women's Studies, University of California, Berkeley

Elizabeth Monasterios, Associate Professor of Hispanic Languages and Literatures, University of Pittsburgh

Isidoro Moreno-Navarro, Ph.D., Catedrático (Senior Professor) de Antropología, Universidad de Sevilla, Andalucía, España

Frederick B. Mills, Professor of Philosophy, Bowie State University

Lisa L. North, Professor Emerita of Political Science, York University, Toronto
Fellow, Center for Research on Latin America and the Caribbean (CERLAC), York
University

Enrique C. Ochoa, Professor of History and Latin American Studies,
California State University, Los Angeles

Daniel T. O'Hara, Professor of English and First Mellon Term Professor of
Humanities, Temple University

Andrew Orta, Associate Professor of Anthropology, Director, Center for Latin American and Caribbean Studies, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Mark Overmyer-Velázquez, Associate Professor of History, Director, Center for Latin American and Caribbean Studies, University of Connecticut

Rev. Dr. Joseph Palacios, Adjunct Professor, Center for Latin American Studies, Georgetown University

Donald A. Pease, Professor of English, Ted and Helen Geisel Third Century Professor in the Humanities, Dartmouth College

Ivette Perfecto, George W. Pack Professor of Natural Resources and Environment, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor

Hector Perla Jr., Assistant Professor, Latin American and Latino Studies, University of California, Santa Cruz

John Pilger, Journalist, UK

Deborah Poole, Professor of Anthropology, Johns Hopkins University

Margaret Power, Professor of History, Illinois Institute of Technology, and Georgetown University alumni, College, 1975

Pablo Alejandro Pozzi, History Department, University of Buenos Aires

Vijay Prashad, George and Martha Kellner Chair of South Asian History, Director and Professor of International Studies, Trinity College

Richard Purcell, Assistant Professor of English, Carnegie Mellon University

Peter Ranis, Professor Emeritus of Political Science, CUNY

Joanne Rappaport, Professor of Anthropology and Spanish and Portuguese, Georgetown University

Marcus Rediker, Distinguished Professor of Atlantic History, University of Pittsburgh

Darryl Reed, Associate Professor, Business & Society, Chair, Department of Social Science, York University, Toronto, President, Canadian Association for Studies in Cooperation

Gerardo Renique, Associate Professor of History, City College, CUNY

William I. Robinson, Professor of Sociology and Global and International Studies, University of California-Santa Barbara

Clemencia Rodriguez, Professor of Communication, University of Oklahoma

Victor M. Rodriguez, Professor, Department of Chicano and Latino
Studies, California State University, Long Beach

Cristina Rojas, Professor, Norman Paterson School of International Affairs, Carleton University, Ottawa, Canada

Nancy Romero, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, Brooklyn College

Jan Rus, Latin American Perspectives

Eduardo Sáenz Rovner, Professor, School of Economic Sciences, Universidad Nacional de Colombia

Rosaura Sanchez, Professor of Literature, University of California, San Diego

Olga Sanmiguel, Professor of Women's Studies, University of Cincinnati

T.M. Scruggs, Professor Emeritus of Music, University of Iowa

Ellen Schrecker, Professor of History, Yeshiva University

Barbara Schroder, Ph.D., Senior Research Associate, Center for Advanced Study in Education, CUNY

Sheila M Shannon, Associate Professor of Education and Human Development, University of Colorado-Denver

Victor Silverman, Associate Professor of History, Pomona College

Brad Simpson, Assistant Professor of History and International Affairs, Princeton University, Director, Indonesia and East Timor Documentation Project

Julie Skurski, Distinguished Lecture in Anthropology, CUNY Graduate Center

Carol A. Smith, Professor Emerita of Anthropology, University of California, Davis

William A. Spanos, Distinguished Professor of English, State University of New York, Binghamton

Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak, University Professor in the Humanities, Columbia University

Richard Stahler-Sholk, Professor of Political Science, Eastern Michigan University

Anita Starosta, Rhode Island School of Design

Marcia Stephenson, Associate Professor of Spanish, Purdue University

Pamela Stricker, Associate Professor of Political Science, California State University, San Marcos

Steve Striffler, Professor of Anthropology and Geography, Doris Zemurray Stone Chair in Latin American Studies, University of New Orleans

Silvia Tandeciarz, Professor and Chair of Modern Languages and Literatures, College of William and Mary

Margo Taméz, Assistant Professor of Gender and Women's Studies/Indigenous Studies, University of British Columbia

Sinclair Thomson, Associate Professor of History, New York University

Miguel Tinker-Salas, Miguel R. Arango Professor in Latin American History, Pomona College

Mayo C. Toruño, Professor of Economics, California State University, San Bernardino

Stefano Varese, Professor of Anthropology Emeritus, University of California, Davis

Max Viatori, Assistant Professor of Anthropology, Iowa State University

Steven S. Volk, Professor of History and Chair, Latin American Studies, Oberlin College

Marilyn Young, Professor of History, New York University

William Walker, Professor of History, University Toronto (ret.)

Clare Weber, Professor of Sociology, California State University, Dominguez Hills

Jeffery R. Webber, Lecturer in Politics, Queen Mary, University of London

Dr. Ingrid Wehr, Associate Professor, University of Freiburg/Arnold-Bergstraesser-Institute, Freiburg (Germany)

Judith A. Weiss, Professor Emerita of Modern Languages and Literatures, Mount Allison University, Canada.

Margaret Wiener, Associate Professor of Anthropology, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hil

Diana Pei Wu, Ph.D., Antioch University, Los Angeles

Caroline Yezer, Assistant Professor of Anthropology, College of the Holy Cross

George Yúdice, Professor of Modern Languages and Literatures, Professor of Latin American Studies, University of Miami

Marc Zimmerman, Professor of Modern and Classical Languages, University of Houston

Democracy, Uribe style

Ex-Prez Alvaro Uribe of Colombia was always ragging on about how democratic he was throughout his doubletime presidency (no matter about the death squads, his own close family members involved with far-right wing terror brigades, the Macarena secret graveyard, his own connections to the infamous Pablo Escobar et cetera ad infinitum).

And it's true! He was democratic! We see today just how democratic Uribe really was when in charge. He didn't make any distinction between his enemies and democratically treated them as equals...by illegally wiretapping them all. Colombia Reports (we love that site) takes up the story:

Documents leaked to Caracol Radio reveal that Colombia's intelligence agency DAS spied on anyone suspected of opposing former President Alvaro Uribe, including government officials close to the then-president, the radio station claims.

The illegal wiretapping carried out by Colombia's state intelligence agency extended to CONTINUES HERE

It must be why The USA loves Uribe so. He could brazenly get away with things that Dubya, the CIA and The Hawaiian get wet dreams about doing.

Uribe and Uribe

On the left, Mario Uribe. On the right, Álvaro Uribe. Let's see what they have in common:

• They are cousins

• They are close political allies and confidantes

• They are both powerful politicians in Colombia. One is Prez (duh) but the other is a stalwart of the President's inner circle and was also Head of the Senate for two years (2000 and 2001).

Now let's see the main difference between the two:

• Yesterday Mario Uribe was (again) arrested on charges of close links with far right paramilitary death squads in Colombia.

• Álvaro Uribe hasn't been arrested for his links with the paramilitaries. Not yet, anyway.

Remember folks, these are the very same paramilitary groups that are not a problem at all in Colombia, according to those bullshit mining newsletter idiots. I mean, just as one example of thousands, it's easy to ignore the recent reports out of Norte de Santander (home to Ventana Gold (VEN.to), Greystar Resources (GSL.to), Galway Resources (GWY.v) etc etc) because the confirmed 3,000 deaths in that single region at the hands of the rightwing paras (which look like rising to over 10,000 and be clear, are continuing to this day) don't count.....cos they weren't killed by the FARC....and rightwingers are never as bad as them lefties, are they?

Here's the BBC on Mario Uribe's arrest yesterday:

A cousin of Colombian President Alvaro Uribe has been rearrested over his alleged ties to paramilitary groups.

Mario Uribe Escobar, a former senator, was detained following an order from the Colombian Supreme Court.

Mario Uribe, who denies any wrongdoing, was continues here

Death by natural causes, Colombian style

Jaime

Yes indeed, heartwarming news from that most enlightened of democracies, Colombia. The excellent blog Plan Colombia and Beyond breaks today's news on the Colombian Secret Service (DAS) illegal wiretapping whistleblower, Jaime Fernando Ovalle, in this way:

Posted to the website of El Tiempo, Colombia’s main newspaper, early this morning:

• “Revelations of Jaime Fernando Ovalle, key witness to resolve the case of the ‘wiretaps’ [in the Colombian government's presidential intelligence service, or DAS]“

Posted minutes ago to the website of El Tiempo:

• “Jaime Fernando Ovalle Olaz, key witness in the DAS ‘wiretaps,’ dies“

The report of his death says he died "of natural causes" by the way. Y'know, kinda 'well, it's natural that his heart stopped beating after what we did to him, isn't it?'. For the record, Jaime was trying to set the record straight about the DAS operations that illegally wiretapped NGOs in Colombia starting in 2003, who then mysteriously had key members of their organizations assassinated shortly afterwards.

Here's the link to PCAB, go see.

Denial: Not a river in Africa

This could be the funniest lead-in paragraph I've read this year. From this report in Mercopress (with h/t to borev):

Colombian President Alvaro Uribe said that whether he is re-elected for a third running mandate is “in God’s hands”, but he does not want future generations to think that he was attached to power, reported Bogotá’s newspaper El Espectador.

Waddya say, owl?

Ok, the God thing is always shuffled to the top of the deck by politicos of all shades and flavours...but not attached to power? I laughed and laughed. And then laughed some more. The guy has forced through not one but two freakin' constitutional amendments to hang on to his job!

For sure the same thing can be said of Hugo next door, but that doesn't change the power-madness shown by Uribe over the years. You gotta wonder about the dude's psychological stability when he comes out with balderdash like this.

Uribe meets the King Of South America and IKN got Da Kaption Kompetition

To celebrate today's visit of Alvaro Uribe to Brazil and his meeting with Yoda (all part of a Colombian tourism push in Brazil called "Colombia Week"), IKN invites you to check out the body language of the KingOfSouthAmerica™ and write in with your captions for his thoughts.

Best entry (either in the comments section or via mail) wins a prize. A big prize. Goody luckies.


UPDATE: The winnah winnah chikkin dinnah goes to none other than the magnificent, illustrious and all-round-amazing BOOOOREV, who sent in this entry.

Da boooorev wins a baseball bat, powdered down quaaludes and a quiet night out with Lanny Davis.

Alan Garcia has Swine Flu CORRECTED

Betcha he's regretting this 'abrazo' with Uribe now.

NOTE: THIS NEWS IS NOW UNCONFIRMED AND PROBABLY A HOAX CAUSED BY A CHAIN MAIL (pasted underneath)

The commiepinko conspiracy continues, as now both LeadersOfTheFreeWorld™ based in South America are down with AH1N1 First Uribe came down with it, now Peruvian local news station RPP reports that Twobreakfasts got da swine flu.

Confirmado Alan Garcia contagiado por gripe porcina: Ante las especulaciones que se dieron los últimos dias, se confirmó de manera oficial que el Presidente Alan Garcia contrajo la gripe AH1N1 junto con 4 miembros mas de la delegación que formo parte de la cumbre de la UNASUR en Argentina. Por mas que se trató de ocultar el hecho, y a raiz y de algunos comentarios que se dieron durante el dia en Torre Tagle no se pudo ocultar mas, y el Vice Presidente Luis Giampietro tomo la conducción del país en este dificil momento.

Además del mismo modo se confirmó que los presidentes de Bolivia y Brasil también se contagiaron de la gripe AH1N1, pero estan en proceso de recuperación, practicamente esta cumbre ha puesto en jaque a toda la región, enterese como finalmente se tuvo que hacer pública esta noticia, descargando el audio.

Uribe's plot to destabilize South America revealed

Uribe takes his Tamiflu by grinding up the pill into a
fine powder and sniffing...old habits die hard
(photo courtesy borev)

We now understand why President Alvaro Uribe of Colombia refused to attend to Ecuador UNASUR meeting but then just a couple of weeks later attended the Bariloche meeting that just ended. Uribe wanted to wait until he had a nasty case of swine flu before meeting, greeting, shaking and baking with all those commie devils that head up the other lands. So as it's now been confirmed that Uribe has AH1N1, expect other regional leaders to be confined to quarters as of this week.

And once they're all tucked up in bed part two of the CIA/Illuminati plot swings into action as Uribe leads multiple attacks using Colombian-based USAF F-16 jets to bomb every single presidential palace in South America, thus allowing the Honduran army to march in and take over the world...errrrr...I think.

Anyway, Uribe got da flu..the first part of the plan is in place.

UPDATE: Colombia Reports has the story in an English language report right here.

Understatement of the Day Award goes to....

...Michael Warren of AP for the following paragraph from his report on the UNASUR Bariloche summit today.

Latin American leaders tend to be suspicious of foreign militaries in a region where U.S.-backed dictatorships killed and tortured their own citizens only decades ago. The unresolved coup in Honduras — by a military with close U.S. ties and training — worries them as well.

Though fair's fair, the report is a pretty good, balanced view of what went on today. And yes, I did say AP back there.

The UNASUR Bariloche Summit: What you need to know

The IKN Kaption Kompetition: Winnah Winnah Chikkin Dinnah

There were some great entries as usual for our caption competition yesterday (11 in total...you guys all rock) so here we go with the podium. In Brilliant Bronze Medal position comes Bina with her second shot:

Twobreakfasts: "Gringo military bases for him, cocaine kickbacks for me...life is good!"
El Narco: "You don't know the half of it, fat guy."

Superb Silver Medal goes to Locojhon who caught the same drift as the winner and made me laugh:

TB--"So now that we've finished breakfast, what else shall we eat?"
AU--thinking--"What do you mean, WE? The SOB ate mine too."

But the winner made me howl when I saw it yesterday evening. Congratulations and Glorious Gold Medal (and a beer) go to reader 'MP' with this entry.

(click to enlarge)

Good stuff, people. Honourable mention to Amazilia for her knowledge of Peru innerpolitik and the lies told at the UN by Peruvian flunkeys.

Alan: "Asi de grande es la mentira que Pastor les dijo a la ONU"
Uribe: "espera no mas que te investigen, mis falsos positivos quedaran chiquitos"

OH NOES! It Kaption Kompetition Time

Yes indeedy, as my inspiration batteries feel all dried out at the moment I'm throwing it over to you guys to come up with something witty, pithy, or whatever-y.

Colombia's Alvaro Uribe started his whistle-stop tour of South America today by visiting Twobreakfasts over in Peru. The idea is to explain to heads of state on a one-on-one basis just why he's going to let a shitload of US soldiers set up camp in his country (for a better and more serious analysis of things, check out Plan Colombia and Beyond, cos it's a better blog than here).

Anyway, Uribe does Peru today then flies on to chat with Evo in Bolivia later tonight. Then he takes in (and I think this order is correct) Chile ('Chelle), Paraguay (Don Juan), Uruguay (Tabaré), Argentina (Klishtina, and apparently these two get on really well) and finally Brazil (where Yoda has already mentioned that he's pissed about the whole idea). Amazingly enough he's missing out on Venezuela (some guy called Hugo) and Ecuador (The Muffin). Uribe's also too chicken to go to next week's UNASUR summit in Ecuador where the other 10 heads of state are gatherng.

BUT NO MATTER! What we want from you guys are captions for this photo:
Add them to the comments section below (like some of you do) or mail them over (like others of you do). The winner will be declared tomorrow and the first prize is....errr...a beer. Ok?

Honduras; an interesting Colombia comment

Telesur today has this report of the Honduras illegal usurper government's pretend Chancellor, Carlos López (the dude who took the job over from that hilarious racist Ortez) saying on Honduras lapdog media Radio FM that President Alvaro Uribe "expressed his sympathy" (i.e. support) for the de facto pieces of shit led by Micheletti. The two apparently met in informal talks in Bogotá on Monday July 20th.

Y'know, it'd really be fun to get a bit of comment from President Uribe of Colombia on this point. Because either;

a) Uribe is being quoted out of context by a manipulative liar (my best guess), or

b) Uribe can really and truly go and **** himself forever and ever, amen.

Mojitos served. The end.

UPDATE: I'm happy to say that my hunch was right and the correct answer is a), López is a manipulative toerag that is happy to quote heads of state out of context. Colombia officially denies.

Colombia and Peru: It's love...official

Colombia's ambassador to Lima, a certain Álvaro Pava (his last name translates as 'kettle' as a bit of trivia) today gushed gushingly in the direction of his host country. In this report we have him saying the following, neatly mixing the typical über-condescending tone of the LatAm criollo (they think they're) elite with over-the-top superlatives.

"Without doubt I believe that in the region there is no better ally than Peru for Colombia and I also consider that there is no better ally than Colombia for Peru. We have absolutely exceptional binational relationships that are nothing more than the reflection of the good relationship enjoyed between presidents Alan García and Álvaro Uribe."

And you gotta agree, there's a lot of common ground between Peru and Colombia version 21st century, so the love affair is understandable. Let's see now...........

• World's two largest producers of cocaine? Check

• Extrajudicial killings by armed forces? Check

• Constant threat to Human Rights organizations? Check

• False optimism about economies recently laid bare? Check

• Selling out large tracts of land to oil companies against wishes of indigenous populations? Check

• Demagogue presidents? Check

In fact, thinking hard about it all the only difference I can see is that Uribe is actually popular in his country. Angus Reid monitor has his most recent approval rating at 71%...but that's Colombia for you, who am I to judge? Meanwhile, Twobreakfasts scores a mighty 21%, the worst rating in the Americas. The Economist uses the adjective "dismal" about Twobreakfasts in this article out today...I agree.

Plan Colombia and Beyond

A photo from Soacha, Colombia. The army claimed these bodies were FARC soldiers.
They were later shown to be "false positives".

The blog Plan 'Colombia and Beyond' does such a great, great job covering its subject that it's difficult to praise it highly enough. For example, check out today's post that reports on the recent UN investigation into Colombia and its "false positives" scandal, where the army rounded up innocents, shipped them to the jungle, murdered them, dressed them up as FARC soldiers and pretended they were downed in battle.....all for the sake of gaining extra days of leave.

Here's the link to this outstanding 'Plan Colombia' post. Use it today and often, cos it'll open your eyes as to what's going on in the country. Remember, this is the same Colombia that Canadian dumbasses at two-bit ratings agency DBRS think is worthy of the 'investment grade' rating. Who gives a crap about human rights anyway? Just give us your money....right?

You sure that Colombian coffee is from Colombia, Señor Valdez?

There's something fishy going on in the Colombia coffee world and it might be time for Juan Valdez to swap that donkey for an alpaca.

In a good report yesterday, Bloomie's Heather Walsh caught up with Jorge Lozano of the National Association of Colombian Coffee Exporters who predicted that, due mainly to inclement weather factors, Colombia would produce less than 11 million bags of coffee this year for the first time since 2001. For the record a "bag" weighs 60kg, so as 2008 production was 11.5m bags we're looking at a difference of 30,000 metric tonnes (hey, lotta coffee there people..world's third largest producer after Brazil and Vietnam). Lozano is quoted as saying;

“The figures we’re seeing show a substantial reduction. Eleven million would be a miracle....Colombia has been selling all of its production.”

Indeed it has been selling it all. Keen to do it too, as coffee is one of the main export products of the country and is driven by the famous Juan Valdez "100% Pure Colombian Coffee" campaign as the dude and his donkey wander over the TV screens of the USA. But is it that pure? This year there's good reason to suspect that those 100% Colombian beans are currently being cut with coffee imported into Colombia from other countries.

Exhibit one: This report in Peru's El Comercio that has local coffee growers complaining about unfair competition. Apparently Peruvian coffee growers have been selling a lot of their wares to Colombians for better prices than they would have obtained by selling on the open market or via established deals and the Peru coffee people are worried about making the contracted quotas due to this selling to Colombia. El Comercio reports the words of César Rivas Peña, head of the National Coffee Group, in the following way:

Mysteriously, so far this year 132,000 quintales of coffee have been sent to Colombia when normally only 80,000 are sent.

As a Peruvian "quintal" is a measurement of 46kg, this means that so far this year 6,072MT of Peruvian coffee beans have made their way into Colombia, or in other words 1/5th of Colombia's theoretical YoY shortfall.

Exhibit Two: Your humble servant wondered whether Colombia's stats office, DANE, was also registering higher coffee imports this year. So off I trotted to the DANE site and got to the right page (if you really care and are as wonky as me you need to click "annexos estadísticos 2009 (Marzo)" to get the right XLS file to pop up and then it's the line item 24 on the Excel page A11) and sure enough, the diligent people at DANE had registered an increase in coffee imports in the first three months of 2009.

An enormous, eye-popping 405% increase, in fact (yes, that says four hundred and five percent). Imports of "coffees, teas and infusions" (read 'coffee') have risen from 1,412MT in the first quarter of 2008 to 7,134MT in the first quarter of 2009, a difference of 5,722MT. It also means that if Colombia keeps importing at the same rate throughout 2009 it will end up buying around 28,500MT of foreign coffee...which is weirdly and strangely close to the 30,000MT production shortfall predicted by Jorge Lozano in his interview with Heather Walsh. On another level, by cutting that down into monthly averages it means we can estimate 2/3rds of the coffee imports have so far come from Peru. It remains to be seen whether Peru will keep supplying Colombia at such and accelerated rhythm, however, if its own export association is starting to cry foul.

Exhibit three: And here's the strangest thing. While Jorge Lozano, a 79 year old past master expert of his field, was telling Bloomie that 11m bags in 2009 would be "a miracle", the Colombian minister in charge of the coffee sector was making soothing and smoothing noises to the world in London today. Colombian Agriculture Minister Andres Fernandez Acosta was quoted by Reuters as saying:

"We have no defaults at the moment and we won't have defaults. Because of weather conditions there have been delays. By June everything will be in place and we will have no problems meeting our commitments."

He then went on to say that Colombia's 2009 production would be 11.5m bags, a full half a million bags (and again, that coincidental 30,000MT) greater than Lozano's "miracle limit" of 11M bags.

Conclusion: It looks to me as if Colombia isn't going to live up to its advertised "100% Colombian" claims this year. That a political talking head can predict a substantially higher harvest of coffee than someone who knows the industry backwards and has worked in it all their life is one reason to be very suspicious. That Peruvian coffee producers are complaining of unfair competition from Colombian buyers who are snapping up their coffee (and not any old bean either, as Peru complains that Colombia only wants its top "export quality" product). And the sudden 400% increase in coffee imports registered by the Colombian stats office gives the issue a numerical backbone, too. With all the numbers (the shortfall, the imports, the ministerial overestimation) all hovering around the 30,000MT mark the coincidences become too much to ignore.

So next time you enjoy a cup of Valdez's "100% pure Colombian" finest, don't fret too much if you start having visions of the Nazca lines or Machu Picchu.